College Sports Administrators Gifts

Spelling bee word: Krzyzewski

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

Egyptian Football

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

'You have failed on all counts...'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

Pole Vault Rules

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'Now what?!'

'I wanted to ask you about life-experience credit.'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

Treadway college - A little knowledge, a lot of tuition.

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'