Athletic Director Gifts

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'OK, everyone just chill out a minute! I need some time to process all of this.'

Athletic Department 'IN' and 'OUT' trays

'Cut! ... let's try that again, coach. This time put some drama into it. Slam you clipboard on the floor and demand more money to refurbish the weight room.'

The home crowd liked to honor the team whenever they scored a point.

"We all admire your coaching skills, Jummy Joe. We just need someone with more cheating experience."

"So how are things on the plantation these days. . ?"

Pandemic Bowl

"His number is the amount of payola he received to play basketball for his college."

If at first you don't succeed, deflate the football.

'He's here to see you about a basketball scholarship.'

Warning: adopt players as role models at your own risk...

'Coach - do you know the definition for 'losing coach''

"Look sharp, everybody. Here comes the athletic director."

Can I help you? I need some sneakers. Sale. Okay. We've got ones for running, jogging, walking, basketball, tennis, pickleball, hiking, cross-training, golf, bowling, volleyball, squash, badminton, jumproping, racquetball, skateboarding, climbing. What activity best describes your needs? What do you think, Ernie? Was "ottomanning" a choice?

This isn't a viable plan. They say we're going ahead with the season but the players must stay six feet apart at all times.

You gave steroids to the 8-year-old girls on Team Caffeine? No sir! I merely enhanced their diet with a natural substance knows to boost strength and grit. What substance? You monster! Stay tuned

Coach Prime Cleans House

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

Input From The Front Office

Ernesto Valverde Tejedor

Pole Vault Rules

'Will that be coach?'

"Trust me, you don't want this job."

Goodenow & Bettman: We have a deal Bob! But do we have any fans left?

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

Footballers - Kevin Keagan

'Hmmmm...lower.'

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

Slam Dunking the Outtray

'We may be 0-10, but I think we can sue ourselves to an 8-2 record.'