Athletic Director Pillows

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'OK, everyone just chill out a minute! I need some time to process all of this.'

Athletic Department 'IN' and 'OUT' trays

'Cut! ... let's try that again, coach. This time put some drama into it. Slam you clipboard on the floor and demand more money to refurbish the weight room.'

The home crowd liked to honor the team whenever they scored a point.

"We all admire your coaching skills, Jummy Joe. We just need someone with more cheating experience."

"So how are things on the plantation these days. . ?"

Pandemic Bowl

"His number is the amount of payola he received to play basketball for his college."

If at first you don't succeed, deflate the football.

'He's here to see you about a basketball scholarship.'

Warning: adopt players as role models at your own risk...

'Coach - do you know the definition for 'losing coach''

"Look sharp, everybody. Here comes the athletic director."

Coach Prime Cleans House

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

Input From The Front Office

'Will that be coach?'

"Trust me, you don't want this job."

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

'Hmmmm...lower.'

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

'We may be 0-10, but I think we can sue ourselves to an 8-2 record.'

Slam Dunking the Outtray

'He's a true athlete... tennis elbow, jogger's feet, and skier's knees.'

"Now, Chalmers, imagine you're a particle whizzing round the Hadron Collider..."

College Football

'The pitcher calls a time out and walks toward the dugout. He's signaling the front office, and it looks like they're bringing out a new manager.'

"This is outrageous! Arrest the usual suspects!"

"Atlas! We require a small sample."

FIFA scandal

'I will need to watch the replay.'

"The client looks bored, Leventhal - take off your shirt and run around the infield."