Youth Sports Director Pillows

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

Football Fans

The trauma of losing.

"I AM at my usual position."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

'OK, now let's switch places.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

Input From The Front Office

Runt! You'll never make the team. We'll see! You can't even tie your shoelace! Great technique!

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

"Look, I know the other team is taller than we are...but I'm pretty sure this isn't allowed."

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

"I've never been into the other team's end... what's it like?"

Coach Prime Cleans House

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

Footballers - Kevin Keagan

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

'Cut! ... let's try that again, coach. This time put some drama into it. Slam you clipboard on the floor and demand more money to refurbish the weight room.'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'