Athletics Official Pillows

Pole Vault Rules

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

Egyptian Football

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'Now what?!'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'Are you blind ref?'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

'I should never have married a bloody referee.'

Tennis corruption

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Referees at the Original Olympics.

Footballer playing for time

'...60, 80 - whoa! - a hundred bucks! Okaaaay, you've got 20 minutes.'

'That was a peach of a right hander the referee gave you!'

'He lost his whistle,'

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.