Swimming Official Pillows

Mermaid in swimming race.

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

Pool attached to child's bed.

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

'Swimming is the healthiest sport. . . Because it's the only one where you can't smoke while you're doing it.'

Egyptian Football

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

Swimming Prankster

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Pole Vault Rules

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'Is the water cold?'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Two love poems in swimming pool. Shallow end and deep end.

Bankside

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

Psychic diving competition.

'It's up to you, either synch or swim.'

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Now what?!'

I told you not to swim out to far

'Are you blind ref?'