College Partier Gifts

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

Bro of Frankenstein

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

'Non-alcohol beer, unsalted potato chips and tofu hot dogs? Why did you accept a party invitation from a cardiologist?'

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

'Wag the tails!'

"I love college."

The morning after the night before.

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'I'll pause for your moans and groans.'

'I'm giving you extra marks for the six pack.' - Dr. Jeckyl , the College Years.

Awesome. Now let's try this with bottles.

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'Gee, maybe there was something wrong with this college.'

Campus Library. How was your Russian poetry class? Rhyme and punishment.

'I'm writing my dissertation on Latte Sizes.'

'I believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy and double-ribbed condoms.'

'I'd invite you in, but I'm way too young to settle for less.'

"What A Party."