College Orientation Gifts

Spin the Bottle on Student Drinking

'My son is studying communications in college. He never writes, calls, texts, or emails his parents.'

College store.

Continuing education.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"One year closer to college!"

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

Trust

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

'You have failed on all counts...'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

'I've decided to put off college, and hitchhike around the cat.'

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

'I wanted to ask you about life-experience credit.'

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

Treadway college - A little knowledge, a lot of tuition.

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

State U. He procrastinated and is now trying to do all the work for his middle English literature class in a couple of days. "Canterburied," is he?!

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'