College Football Fan Gifts

"I can't decide whether to turn pro first or go directly into rehab."

'The Gatorade is his.'

'A 217 in math and a 222 in reading? Really those are fine SAT scores. Fine Scores. You'll make a great addition o our football team, Brad.'

"Reports of Penn State orchestrating coach Paterno's exit are premature."

Nebraska-Oklahoma

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Football Chameleon

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Uptight End"

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

Cheerleaders

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

Archaeologists discover a football

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

'Now what?!'

Scenes we'd most like to see...

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'

'What do you mean you didn't learn anything? You learned how to tackle, didn't you?'

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'Touchdown!'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

'Bad boy! Drop the quarterback! Drop him! Drop!!'

Red Card - Gold Card.

Coach Prime Cleans House

Our coaches are from top college teams. Questions. Why aren't you in training? Sports Camp. Rotator cuff injury. Concussion. Back surgery. Counselor. Ok, campers. Let's show them what you've got! Excellent health insurance card representation!

A well-known poet lives on this street. Building Supplies. I just need one. She authored a prize-winning screenplay. That offensive lineman is a novelist. My journalist friend is rejecting calls from my number. It's frustrating. I just can't escape writer's block.

Yoga. My goal in yoga is the same as the goal of defensive football players. Bend but don't break.

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

"Edgar isn't here. He's working out with the Dallas Cowboys."

Football Violence

"Go deep!"

Referee cop.