College Critique Gifts

"This is going to set of a whole batch of legal admissions challenges."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

Master's Degrees of the Universe

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"...This is the only way I can get though college!"

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

Uni. Snowflake Library

'It's all a load of Voltaire!'

Remembering the words of his 8th grade Algebra teacher, Moose bought his old middle school and made a mockery out of it.

'He has an MBA from Wharton.'

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

"When do you teach us how to become motivated?"

'First I'll do some covers, then I'll play some derivative, cliche-ridden original material.'

Scientific Research: '...The solar rotation theory...I figure it'll take years of heavily funded research to see if the sun really does set in the east...'

"I've been trying for days, but I can't get hold of the Superintendent for Accountability."

4 Great Ways to Fail

'I didn't know you could get a master's degree in soulless greed.'

'Since when did we start getting report cards, too?'

Cutting Room Floor

'How will THIS ever apply to my real life?'

'I think your test grading is biased in favor of students who answer the test questions correctly.'

'Caution: Some content may be offensive to sensitive students.'

'Did you really? I flunked out of Bob Jones, too!'

'Damn! The uni has introduced new anti-student chairs."

"I learned some interesting things in school today. I read the graffiti on my desk."

"You only got into this school because your parents donated a lot of money, too?"

No Job Prospects? No Problem!

College: 'We do not discriminate on the basis of race, age, sex, or religion. Students must simply be able to afford $20,000 tuition per year.'

'Liberal Arts' and 'Conservative Crafts.'

"Don't get me wrong; I learned a lot in college. Just nothing applicable to real life."

"I think we really need to review our tracking policy, Mr. Corello!"

What does the M stand for?

University Fee Freeze

College students across the nation protest tuition hikes.