Campus Critic Gifts

College $weater

Uni. Snowflake Library

'Damn! The uni has introduced new anti-student chairs."

University Admissions

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

'Oxford, Cambridge, Redbrick, Poly . . .'

"So basically you're telling us that you make the youngest of your species sit in a room for twelves years and that is an education. . . you're kidding, right?"

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"...This is the only way I can get though college!"

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

'It's all a load of Voltaire!'

"For the next few hours, I'll be bringing you info with no tainment."

"O.K., here I am in the fourth grade, but is that really what I want to be doing with my life?"

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

Phrenology head filled with National Curriculum instead of real knowledge.

"I don't want your teacher to think a kid with grades this bad....could possibly have a father who could read or write."

Publish or Perish: 'Welcome to the Team. Remember, if you follow the University Motto, you'll do fine...'

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."

"There was a time when only the rich went to university... now even they can't afford it."

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

"I like our history teacher, but he talks too much about the past."

"Call me when you get some current stuff."

Teacher Shortage/Brain Shortage

"When do you teach us how to become motivated?"

'I would probably do a lot better if you would just teach me stuff I already know.'

'Those poor grades are due to a lack of data driven evidence based curriculum in the classroom.'