College Costs Gifts

For their safety, many colleges require that parents put on airbags before they are told what the school's tuition is.

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

How come rich kids do so well on SAT tests? Their parents give them books, fancy trips, lessons and

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Fishbowl rebellion.

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'Well Mimi, what's it going to be...medicine or the cello?'

Trust

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

'He's going to college, but he doesn't have an exit strategy.'

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

State U. He procrastinated and is now trying to do all the work for his middle English literature class in a couple of days. "Canterburied," is he?!

"Enjoy university darling, and don't come back during the holidays, we're going to air BnB your room."

'Of course creative writing is important. You want to write home for money when you go away to college,don't you?'

"Remember, son, no matter what happens to you, we intend to always keep your room at home exactly as it is right now...empty."

"Of course I'm not quitting school, Dad! If anything, I've learned that if you want to succeed, you need passion and leadership and a whatever-it-takes attitude!"

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

'I want to go out of town so that I can become a fully independent person, but near enough so that I can bring my laundry home.'

The bane of every college applicant: the admissions essay.