College Cost Critic Gifts

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 7)- the Eternal Problem of Youth and Pedantry

Moanathon.

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

Uni. Snowflake Library

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

Cutting Room Floor

"Why do I have to work hard at school? I can buy a degree on the internet!"

'Dad said that experience is the best teacher, so I cut school and went to the video arcade.'

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

"And, in our continuing effort to minimize surgical costs, I'll be hitting you over the head and tearing you open with my bare hands."

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

"I see you graduated Summa Cum Laude, but then didn't your whole graduating class."

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

'It cost a mint to educate him. If you want his opinion, you'll have to pay for it.'

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

'Now I'll show you what turns a $6,000 operation into a $17,000 operation.'

I hate to do this but you know the high costs of college.

"I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. . . we need to make savings to pay for the locums!"