College Closure Gifts

Major college athletics programs

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Continuing education.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"One year closer to college!"

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Business Admin - Group Think 101.

All Hail the Matriarchy

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000... Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000...

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'I'm afraid the numbers don't lie Norton, we're definitely nerds.'

Trust

'Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study.'

Business school graduate trying to climb to the top of the world

'You have failed on all counts...'

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

Kentucky Fried Horse

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"I'm pre-law and pre-med. That way if I foul up I can defend myself."