Collecting Merch Pillows

"If you like what I had to say, be sure to go online and buy some of my merch."

Fly Football

Clown on bike.

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

hard-boiled egg...

"T-shirt weather's coming. How ready are you?"

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

Bathroom Fairy

Apocalypse Research Center

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

'Have you any W fronts?'

A close shave on the Titanic...

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

Tin Can Operation.

Nobody's Perfact (spelled wrong)

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

"I got it in a novelty shop. But it has decreased loitering around the watercooler with 29%!"

"Think it can last 20 seconds this time?"

'You've haed the eye exam. Now buy the t-shirt!'

A Scottish Terrier playing bagpipes wins the dog show.

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

Feart!

Replica Football Merchandise

"If he says, 'got milk' I'm gonna bite."

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

'I finally kicked the fire breathing habit, now I'm stuck on mints and I'm gaining weight.'

An old shoe in every bag!

The Corkscrew Thrower

"And that little guy is our abducted son, Gene."

The Cold Shoulder: 'What do you give the Cannibal who is late for Dinner?'

'Fred and Wilma live in a house.'

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."