Collecting Merchandise Pillows

"Hold yer fire! It's just a t-shirt cannon!"

Fly Football

Clown on bike.

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

hard-boiled egg...

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

"Do you do much walking?"

Bathroom Fairy

Apocalypse Research Center

'Have you any W fronts?'

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

"Roadkill cookies"

A close shave on the Titanic...

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

'The guy in the scarecrow shop promised me that nothing scares crows better than the 'Giant Fox XR50'.'

Tin Can Operation.

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

Nobody's Perfact (spelled wrong)

'I'll take ten, please.'

"I got it in a novelty shop. But it has decreased loitering around the watercooler with 29%!"

"This will look great on our bedroom wall."

"Think it can last 20 seconds this time?"

Marxist Elephant

Pianist.

A Scottish Terrier playing bagpipes wins the dog show.

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

Feart!

"It was a crime of fashion."

Replica Football Merchandise

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

'I finally kicked the fire breathing habit, now I'm stuck on mints and I'm gaining weight.'