Novelty Item Collecting Pillows

Luminous Sundials: Tell the Time in the Dark!

Fly Football

Clown on bike.

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

hard-boiled egg...

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"Yes, I said bring me the king. . .But not that king."

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

"Recalculating route..."

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

Hay Rides $10

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

Fossil record player.

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

Bathroom Fairy

The Hammer

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

A crab with a utility knife claw

Apocalypse Research Center

LOL. Larry Lee Oppenheimer is no fan of monogrammed underwear.

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Elton John

"Roadkill cookies"

'Each one is signed and numbered.'

A close shave on the Titanic...

'Have you any W fronts?'

Lavatory Waterfall

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'