Collecting Cutlery Gifts

A Fork-lift.

There's a fork in the road.

The Cutlery Store: This store will be closed Monday in honor of Jack the Ripper's birthday.

"Oooh, my favourites. Forket me knots."

'How do I tell the fork from the spoon?'

The Spoonish Inquisition

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"He loves his leaf blower."

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"Hey, I just consider myself very fortunate to be getting paid for something I'd be doing anyway."

'I'm a do-it-yourselfer, but I've never been a done-it-yourselfer...'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

He started with the q-tips, then moved on to the hard stuff.

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'Anything need fix'n around here? I mean besides the lamp I just broke.'

Scales

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

'Another invention? -- You are SUCH a geek!'

"Tell me, do you own a mallet with a rubber shaft?"

"Now now, what have I told you about using your zombie knife at the dinner table..."

"You've not used a chainsaw before have you?"

Handy-lion

"So unfortunately, I have to make some more cuts."

All Major Cash Honored.