Collecting Cutlery Prints

A Fork-lift.

'I don't know what happened. One minute she's spooning me. The next minute I'm knifing her.'

There's a fork in the road.

The Cutlery Store: This store will be closed Monday in honor of Jack the Ripper's birthday.

"Oooh, my favourites. Forket me knots."

'How do I tell the fork from the spoon?'

Fork with a missing tine is in a wheelchair.

The Spoonish Inquisition

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"He loves his leaf blower."

'I love it when you spoon me.' 'I love it when you fork me.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"Hey, I just consider myself very fortunate to be getting paid for something I'd be doing anyway."

"Harry?... Is that you?"

'I'm a do-it-yourselfer, but I've never been a done-it-yourselfer...'

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

He started with the q-tips, then moved on to the hard stuff.

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'Anything need fix'n around here? I mean besides the lamp I just broke.'

Scales

Handy-lion

'It's a spork!'

"Tell me, do you own a mallet with a rubber shaft?"

"You've not used a chainsaw before have you?"