Cold-weather Investor Gifts

Investments: Hot Stocks For Clod Times.

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

Snow flake

It's supposed to get cold tonight.

"Bless You."

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

"Al, you've been chosen Businessman of the Year by the Junior Chamber of Commerce."

Electric Blanket.

Rude Snowpeople

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

This Halloween, use props to create a unique jack-o-lanern. Fitness buffs might like a jumping jack. Or you could carve a lumberjack. In colder climates, Jack Frost might be a nice choice. And for something functional, build a jack!

'Mom, what setting do you use for warming up slippers?'

Rent a Room With Hot Water

'I take back everything I said about this sweater you knitted for me.'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

'Hours out here in the freezing cold and not a deer in sight! That's it - I'm going home!'

Trawling for Fish.

"Fish needs bigger hole."

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

Cold Enough to Freeze Brass Monkeys.

"Mum? are you sure thers's such thing as global warming, coz I'm bloody freezing."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Let's face it, if we were getting any customers they'd have been here by now."

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

Man looking at his shower-bath on a cold morning

'How can you tell?'

Death skis towards a man fishing on cracking ice

"My f-f-feet are f-f-frozen."

Say, I just had a thought

"It's a midriff warmer."

'...and the temperature is controlled by a thermostat which keeps it at a controlled zero year round.'

"Sorry sir, it's the permafrost again!"

"And unlimited freezer space, naturally..."

Outdoor Dining: Winter Edition

'The temperature isn't too bad at -15, but when you add on the wind chill factor... '