Cold Feet About Marriage Gifts

'I suppose I'll get married some day - I just don't want to be there when it happens,'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

Marriage least expected to last...

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

The Sleeping Congregation.

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"What's wrong?"

"You're a lot easier to live with once your antlers fall off."

"The Tudballs got married by a judge. I still say a jury should have been present!"

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am a 24-year-old man. The woman I am about to marry is having second thoughts because she believes that we are too young. What do you think? - Jacob. Actual reader letter. Great question. When is the right time to marry? Randy, our commitment expert, would you like to handle this one? Jacob, really, what were you expecting?! Medic! Randy's not moving.

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"What do you mean 'no way'?"

'I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I understand that cute wedding photographer is single.'

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"Same thing every morning. Crack of Don at the crack of dawn."

"Woah! Where's it say that?"

"Donald switched off in 1985 and i never bothered to switch him on again."

"Martha, are you sure you're not marrying me for money?"

Stay Tuned

'What do you mean, you want a divorce?'

Marriage Exit Strategy

"I do - but it might just be the liquor talking."