Cold Feet About Marriage Pillows

'I suppose I'll get married some day - I just don't want to be there when it happens,'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

Marriage least expected to last...

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

The Sleeping Congregation.

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

"What's wrong?"

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"What do you mean 'no way'?"

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

'I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I understand that cute wedding photographer is single.'

"The Tudballs got married by a judge. I still say a jury should have been present!"

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"You're a lot easier to live with once your antlers fall off."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

Stay Tuned

"Martha, are you sure you're not marrying me for money?"

'What do you mean, you want a divorce?'

Marriage Exit Strategy

"I do - but it might just be the liquor talking."

"Donald switched off in 1985 and i never bothered to switch him on again."

"Same thing every morning. Crack of Don at the crack of dawn."

"Woah! Where's it say that?"

"I married him for his intelligence, turns out that was artificial as well!"