Cognitive Dissonance Analyzer Gifts

"Except for that wildfire destroying Pasadena, isn’t California beautiful?"

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"The overthinker"

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"Honestly, I thought you were a metaphor."

See that leg? He's dreaming of chasing rabbits.

Yesterday I had an argument with the janitor of my building, and then last night I dreamed that he was chasing me with a large ball-peen hammer

"Yes, I am interested in taking a fresh look at my holdings."

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

"I have a recurring nightmare where the paradigm keeps shifting without me."

Book store has a book called 'Mind Games,' which is floating magically in the air.

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"How come I can't remember what I forget, but I always remember that I forgot something!"

'Yep, that does sound like an ethical dilemma, Phil. But relax... it's only a problem if you have a conscience.' 'That's just it! I think I do!!' 'Don't worry, I won't tell a soul.'

Dr. Darrin found her peer review process unnerving.

Confirmation Bias

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

Brain Bomb Detector

"What are we watching? I don't know. Some show on short attention spans."

'We now have the technology to record your dreams. From now on, your dreams are our intellectual property.'

"How learning curves feel... Before: Holy hell During: I'm not gonna make it! After: That wasn't so bad! The next time: Again?!!"

"… and a big shout-out to my hippocampus, without which I wouldn’t be standing here saying words."

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

'Your problems are caused by all-or- nothing thinking. It's either that, or you don't have any problems.'

Last night I dreamed I was lying on a beach with Sandra Dee, and a big lifeguard asked to see my beach tag. I didn

"I had that dream again where I kill my Shrink."

'Last night I dreamt in widescreen and colour, with director's commentary and added extras.'

'There are bankers under my bed.'

"Those are my medals in mental gymnastics."

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"