Cognitive Competitor Gifts

Miss America IQ Pageant

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Genius Envy

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

Bee Chess

Plane with banner shoots at another.

Painter's Duel.

'My app just ate your widget.'

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

'Make no mistake Wetherall, it's a jungle out there.'

"Calm down, I'm just using the rules of modern competition."

Skateboard Olympics.

Enlightenment Olympics.

I won! I finished my pizza first! Want to make it two out of three?

All you can eat buffet...speed limit: 750 calories per minute

You spend way too much time and energy stewing over things, Al

'This information is on a need-to-screw-others basis.'

State Fair. Fun. You won a ribbon in the eating contest? What for? Honorable munchin'!

Bear in hotdog eating contest.

'Jimmy takes these Easter Egg hunts very seriously.'

Interpretive marathon

"All As. What did you get?"

Chess bowling.

War artists.

Sorry, Bob, but the hive voted to go with Barb's blueprint again this year.

Miss America IQ pageant.

'He's just messing with your mind.'

Brian was glad he had decided to have a light breakfast before embarking on the pizza eating competition!

"Honey! I;m in a thousandth place!"

"Actually, I hope more people think being smart is annoying. I'll have less competition when I apply to college."