Conversational Competitor Gifts

'Fine, thank you. And how are you?'

"My email is down... talk to me."

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

Snail Racing

Vinnie's Billiards: 'Heck of a break, Ron!'

Danth battle?

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

The Cricketer and the Golfer

'It wasn't so much a hostile takeover as it was a best 2 out of 3 pillow fight.'

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

"You can't just put on the uniform whenever you don't want to have a conversation, Barry."

Plane with banner shoots at another.

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

'My app just ate your widget.'

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

"Calm down, I'm just using the rules of modern competition."

'Make no mistake Wetherall, it's a jungle out there.'

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

A Man mixing up his sports.

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

"How did I get to be the only one that listens?"

"Better - but it was still too obvious when you went for the pine tar under your hat."

You spend way too much time and energy stewing over things, Al

Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can reach a higher plane of consciousness than your dad!

'Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can pretend to beat up your dad!'

'This information is on a need-to-screw-others basis.'

Later accounts would call it the Greatest Water Battle of All Time,

I never realized what a bad golfer I was until somebody else kept score. Club House.

"Where do you see this country in five years?"

"All As. What did you get?"