Cerebral Competitor Gifts

Game

The Victors

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

City Marathon.

Miss America IQ Pageant

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

Danth battle?

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

The Cricketer and the Golfer

Bee Chess

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

Plane with banner shoots at another.

Loser's Podium.

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

'Make no mistake Wetherall, it's a jungle out there.'

"Calm down, I'm just using the rules of modern competition."

I won! I finished my pizza first! Want to make it two out of three?

Enlightenment Olympics.

All you can eat buffet...speed limit: 750 calories per minute

A Man mixing up his sports.

Tug the Toggle

'This information is on a need-to-screw-others basis.'

You spend way too much time and energy stewing over things, Al

'Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can pretend to beat up your dad!'

Later accounts would call it the Greatest Water Battle of All Time,

Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can reach a higher plane of consciousness than your dad!

"Better - but it was still too obvious when you went for the pine tar under your hat."

"All As. What did you get?"

Bear in hotdog eating contest.