Cerebral Competitor Pillows

Game

The Victors

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

City Marathon.

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

Miss America IQ Pageant

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

Danth battle?

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

The Cricketer and the Golfer

Bee Chess

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

Loser's Podium.

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

'Make no mistake Wetherall, it's a jungle out there.'

"Calm down, I'm just using the rules of modern competition."

All you can eat buffet...speed limit: 750 calories per minute

A Man mixing up his sports.

'Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can pretend to beat up your dad!'

'This information is on a need-to-screw-others basis.'

Later accounts would call it the Greatest Water Battle of All Time,

Tug the Toggle

"Better - but it was still too obvious when you went for the pine tar under your hat."

Bear in hotdog eating contest.

"All As. What did you get?"