Cognac Sipper Gifts

I resent the fact that you mistook that for a tip jar, counselor. I simply finished my snifter of cognac.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Champagne

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

Beer Stall

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

Deflator mouse

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

Beach flirting

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

"I'm a retriever but I prefer 'Go-Getter'."

"Detox is two doors back, bro' - this is retox!"

'Enjoying a snifter of brandy by the fire...'

'Gee, mom, you know I want to visit - I'm just so darned busy.'

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

Complaints Desk

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

A very fine vintage

Anton's Bar and Grill

Thursday is the new Friday

Baby it's cold outside.

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

'Will you stop yelling save the whales and finish you pina colada?'

'Ah, 'man's best friend' and it's brought by a dog.'

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

'I told you to sip it!'

'It's got worse than just the occasional sploosh from a wine box, hasn't it?'

Robert Morley

"There's no secret formula. I basically just pour scotch over ice."