Whiskey Sipper Gifts

"I'm a white middle aged male and that's who I'm voting for."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Billy strip: 'whiskey is not a cure for the common cold.'

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

City Boy.

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Whine and cheezed party."

Beach flirting

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

'You know what would be really romantic? If, just for once, you sat at the tap end.'

'Gee, mom, you know I want to visit - I'm just so darned busy.'

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

A very fine vintage

Anton's Bar and Grill

'Enjoying a snifter of brandy by the fire...'

"I'm a retriever but I prefer 'Go-Getter'."

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

"Detox is two doors back, bro' - this is retox!"

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

Complaints Desk

'I don't like her line of gossip - it's never about anyone I know.'

'Will you stop yelling save the whales and finish you pina colada?'

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.