Cider Sipper Gifts

"It's a hard life!"

"Well, the spider you swallowed in the scrumpy is now wriggling and tickling in cider."

Beer Stall

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

City Boy.

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

The last song before the party exploded.

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Whine and cheezed party."

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

Beach flirting

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'You know what would be really romantic? If, just for once, you sat at the tap end.'

Complaints Desk

'Gee, mom, you know I want to visit - I'm just so darned busy.'

A very fine vintage

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

"Detox is two doors back, bro' - this is retox!"

"I'm a retriever but I prefer 'Go-Getter'."

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

Anton's Bar and Grill

'I don't like her line of gossip - it's never about anyone I know.'

"'60 Minutes' is on."

'Will you stop yelling save the whales and finish you pina colada?'