Coffeehouse Enthusiast Gifts

Beet Poet

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

Eternal Student.

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

Burning the midnight oil.

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Man's best friends."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Back to work...

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"The more coffee I drink, the more these motivational posters make sense."

You've Had Enough!

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Joined at the hipster.

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

Office Supplies/Coffee Supplies.

"I'm losing my patience with you."

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

Countervailing Clichés.

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

"We used up our planet's energy source and we're here to hijack yours. Where do you keep all your coffee?"

'Would you all please congatulate...'