Coffee-sipping Office Warrior Gifts

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

In basket-case.

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

Overworked in the office

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

Some days at work can be more challenging than others.

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

The Great Pyramid of Paperwork

'I hate Mondays.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

The food chain is like a huge corporation, the only one who really enjoys it, is the guy at the top!

'Dog eat dog.'

"Miss Ross, get me a motivational speaker."

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

'Of course, the toll on my personal life has been enormous.'

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

Working 9 to 5.

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

'Don't you try those cheap scare tactics with me, Rendleman!'

"I have an obligation to the stockholders, not the employees!"

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

Why am I running?

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"And to think all these years you've worried about some boy wonder taking over your job."

'At least I don't have his life.'

Subordinate Employee

'Sorry, I can't help you, the computer's down again.'

"It's somehow comforting to witness a revival of the classics in motivational technique."

Unrealistic expectations tend to lead to disappointment. . .