Coffee Shop Philosophers Gifts

"We're divorced, but we are still friends - friends with lawyers."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"You don't whisper anymore."

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"Your idea is strong. Really strong. But I've gotta ask myself, is it too much espresso for a decaf world?"

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

Continental Drift.

"Turns out it's easier to live at work than work from home."

'Consummatum est.'

Jay McInerney

Hipster Coffee

Aw, @#$%, just go to business school. EMU. The Practical Muse.

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"I wish there was an easy answer but there's a sexual subtext to consider...even if you are comliant in meeting my needs am I subconsciously placing you in the sexually subservient role or nurturer and provider."

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

'You can do whatever you want here... as long as I don't find out about it.'

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

New Belief Systems

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

If you get lost, remember that there's a Starbucks on every corner.

I have to admit, I enjoyed that fruity concoction you convinced me to try. In light of that, I will extend to you a brief respite from my usually relentless attacks upon your character.

"They want to turn the clocks back?"

"I'm only writing fake product reviews until I find someone to publish my novel."

"It's a novel about quarterly reports."

Exciting news. I've retired our small size coffee. I've replaced it with the big. What if people want jut a little bit to drink? They should order the big. Isn't it bigger? It's the same size as the old small. Just like the old medium. It's the same as before, but it now called the grandeur. And in place of the old large, I give you the skyscraper. Modern cafe theory: Same size drinks but larger names. Our prices must rise to reflect our generosity.