Coffee Shop Loungers Gifts

Not quite Beverly Hills.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Man's best friends."

Wifi in Hell

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

You've Had Enough!

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Soccer games took on a whole new meaning for the parents of Hillsdale Youth Soccer.

Dateline - Caf

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

Internet Restaurant

Hipster Coffee

Man reading a tablet in library.

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

Reserve Ants

"We have to face reality. Unless we invite people over, we will never muster the energy to clean the place."

I guess I just assumed we'd skip Take your child to work day this year. Chips.

"I'm afraid the jacuzzi is out of order madam"

"The heat of the flames on my feet makes me feel thankful my feet aren't on fire."

'The reason man hasn't been to the moon in 35 years is because there's no T.V. and recliner up there.'

Mountain Escalator

Hockney by the Pool

'This is where I'm thinking of putting my husband.'

Couch Potatoes

Are we a bunch of losers? Who are you talking about? Me, Randy, Sadie, even you Uncle Mort – all of us cafe regulars. We've been hanging out at this place for years. I've been working here two decades. Do we have nowhere else to go? More powerful even than inertia: Any momentum killed by an uncompromising nap regimen. Zzzz.

"I like this place. You can charge your phone AND save the rainforest."

"Boy o boy, there's really nothing worth watching on TV late at night..."

'I think we're on different career paths.'

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the 'grande' size anymore without a prescription.'

It's the Dr. Sadie advice hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking nothing but Christmas-related calls. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You're on, Vancouver. What's your problem?! I'm an atheist. How come there's no national holiday for that? There is! It's called "Christmas"! The ads and the marketers have sucked everything religious out of it. Nothing in the Bible says "thou shalt shop." Good point.

Building a house.

"For crying out loud Bill, we're pieces of broccoli. Can you just sit down and vegetate for awhile?"

"My mom said I can't come here anymore." "What? Why not, Billy?" "She said she sends me here to get hot chocolate, not to get bad relationship advice." "What 'bad' advice? All my advice is solid gold." "You told me to call the IRS with an anonymous tip about Andrea Wheaton's father avoiding taxes, so next time he tells her I'm a bad influence he'll look like a hypocrite." "That didn't work?"