Coffee Shop Loungers Pillows

Not quite Beverly Hills.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Man's best friends."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

You've Had Enough!

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Internet Restaurant

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

Hipster Coffee

Man reading a tablet in library.

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

Reserve Ants

"We have to face reality. Unless we invite people over, we will never muster the energy to clean the place."

"I'm afraid the jacuzzi is out of order madam"

"The heat of the flames on my feet makes me feel thankful my feet aren't on fire."

'The reason man hasn't been to the moon in 35 years is because there's no T.V. and recliner up there.'

Mountain Escalator

'This is where I'm thinking of putting my husband.'

Hockney by the Pool

"Boy o boy, there's really nothing worth watching on TV late at night..."

"I like this place. You can charge your phone AND save the rainforest."

'I think we're on different career paths.'

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the 'grande' size anymore without a prescription.'

Couch Potatoes

Building a house.

"For crying out loud Bill, we're pieces of broccoli. Can you just sit down and vegetate for awhile?"

"If I use twitter to communicate, does that make me a twit?"

"My mom said I can't come here anymore." "What? Why not, Billy?" "She said she sends me here to get hot chocolate, not to get bad relationship advice." "What 'bad' advice? All my advice is solid gold." "You told me to call the IRS with an anonymous tip about Andrea Wheaton's father avoiding taxes, so next time he tells her I'm a bad influence he'll look like a hypocrite." "That didn't work?"