Coffee Guru Gifts

Maybe it's because I'm full of coffee, but I suddenly know the answers to all of life's big questions. Also I think I can see through that wall.

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

Non-Power Breakfast

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

Countervailing Clichés.

EU and India partnership.

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

"Right now it's between you and two hundred and fifty other people who came to Seattle, moved in with five roommates, joined a band, took a job in a coffee bar, got fed up, had a meeting with themselves, and decided it was time to go out and find a real job."

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

Pull an all-nighter?

"I really start dragon around 3 o'clock."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

"We love each other very much, and we concur on alcohol and coffee. But we're unable to come to an agreement on meat and fish."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"