Coffee Clubber Gifts

Brew 'N' Brouhaha

"When I said the coffee flowed like a river here at the office, I meant it literally."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'and on the Kids' Menu, we have Cranky Pants French Toast...'

You've Had Enough!

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Pastry Hat

Working Late

The prying mantis,

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Reading the sports pages.

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"Do kids eat free?"

The Walk of Shame

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

"It's an app that lets me know when I'm bored."

Sober Tooth Tiger

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

Man, I could destroy a chocolate donut with sprinkles right now

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

'Do you want toast with that?'

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

Gangsta wrap.

That's weird - every time I call the self-help hotline, it goes straight to my voicemail.