Clueless Caller Gifts

'I was trying to phone my mother and ended up closing my bank account, taking 15 pictures of my nostrils buying a sheep!'

'We never had all these labour-saving devices in my young day!'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

'Wrong number. Sorry, I dialled my salary by mistake.'

'It's for you.'

'I have to hang up now. I'm getting some static on another line.'

Listenin' in

'Why yes, I would like to buy double glazing...'

Hi honey, I'm on the plinth.

'I'm just opening him now. Stand by and I will give you a detailed description of what I find inside your husband...uh...hello?'

'Talk about fun, Joey! I dialed a zillion numbers and talked to all kinds of people I couldn't even understand!'

'Boy! Those 911 operators sure get snooty when you call at 4 a.m. and ask them to translate the words to Frere Jacques.'

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

"Attention, shoppers. We have another lost husband at the customer service counter."

'Hello, and welcome to Acme Cable. If you're calling about a billing issue, big whoop. Get over it and pay the bill. If your cable is out, who cares. When it's fixed, you'll know it. If you're...'

Oh, crap! The Jehovah's Witnesses are back.

"Woopsee! Wrong button. And after you got through all those menus, too! Too bad. Good luck next time! hahaha!"

'I had a great day! I woke up 10 people, interrupted 28 breakfasts, 42 lunches and thoroughly ruined 21 dinners.'

'Hello, Pizza Palace of Seattle? -- Do you charge extra for delivery?'

'We'll be back in an hour. Answer the phone if it rings, Burl.' 'What if it doesn't?'

"All of our door to door cold callers have to go through a rigorous induction process."

'I don't KNOW who I declared war on - It was a wrong number!'

Snobscene phone call

"I told you never to call me at this number."

Dial 123-SICK and Reach Out to Your Fellow-Hypochondriacs

"If you have a touch tone telephone, please choose from the following 12,847 options. . ."

Man looks dismayed as voice on TV says: 'If you're a digital viewer, press your red button now for bonus footage and behind-the-scenes extras' everyone else ... oh, just get lost.'

"I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism"

"Your call will be deleted in the order it was received."

'To speak to an actual person, press '5.' To speak to an actual wolverine, dream on.'

Expensive Technical support line

Why appliance repairmen don't make cold calls.

'What sorcery is this?!'

'If you want useless blah blah blah from an impolite, worked-up service agent, press 1. If you want useful information given by a competent and motivated service agent, please call our competitors.'