Close-call Gambler Gifts

'I was close to winning the pools this Saturday. The bloke next door won.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

Dog in casino.

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

"Incidentally, my men's group has retrograded into a poker game."

Casino. Keno. $$$. Win. Cashier. He sure wins a lot! He's "Keno Savvy."

"This lockdown is GREAT! - We can spend all day on our computers, eating takeaway junk food and watching crap TV while gambling on our iphones!"

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

Wayne Krasnicky - unlucky gambler and unlucky in love.

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

'Will you make the final table?'

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

The Peacock Is Not Renowned For His Bluffing Abilities

"I'd get out of the volatile, capricious, irritating stock market. . . but I might miss out on further gains."

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

Test Today. I didn't pass the test but I did beat the point spread.

Maybe substituting chocolate cookies for poker chips wasn't such a good idea.

"In the ring, kid. We want you to take a fall in the ring."

'I thought she'd never leave.'

No, I'm not a gambler at all. I just blow on these and they keep serving me drinks.

"Trevor's nose is running."

"I'm going to the house what England winning the World Cup, luckily the house doesn't belong to me."

Fantasy Football Betting Pool

Welcome to Las Vegas - a faith-based community.

'He's a plumber, yet you bet him he couldn't break 100, using a plunger as his putter?'

'So Bob says to me, he says, 'steroid are the only way I can compete at the pro level'. I didn't have the nerve to tell him it has no effect in poker.'

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

'You say that one day you win and the next day you lose? Why don't you bet on alternate days?'

How to win the Lottery. - Scratch 'n' read edition.

"Ask your doctor if you're strong enough to day trade options."

Vending machines at work: Snacks, Coffee, Glimmer of Hope

'Look at the bright side, it's better to have loved money and lost than never to have invested at all.'

'I actually make a lot more money as a bookmaker than I ever did as a race horse...'

'What number is the hymn 'All things bright and beautiful'?'