Smartphone Gambler Gifts

"This lockdown is GREAT! - We can spend all day on our computers, eating takeaway junk food and watching crap TV while gambling on our iphones!"

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

Dogs and their thoughts

Little league world series of poker.

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

Bribes for Jabs

'I don't like to take chances.'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

Dog in casino.

"Okay, I'll renew your contract and raise you five sick days."

Knight in armor is using his jousting pole as a selfie stick.

Riverboat 4 Square Hustlers

"Stag poker"

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

Short-lived Neanderthal Games: Slap The Sleeping Dinosaur

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

"Incidentally, my men's group has retrograded into a poker game."

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

Slug roulette

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

The Smartass Phone

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

"I told him not to rely on his GPS whe out running!"

Playing cards.