Cloakroom Staff Gifts

You've given me the wrong coat - this one's brown, mine's grey!

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

Busy office.

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

Targets.

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Sales.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."