Clinic Humor Gifts

'What's your husband's intolerance ?'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Ice Cream Surgeon

PSA Banter.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Time for your pills.'

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

"I don't leave home without it!"

You can relax now.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'