Clinic Commentator Pillows

"… And then he goes around town whining about how much I charged him. What ever happened to 'doctor-patient confidentiality'?''

Virtual Doctor

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'You've got lot toe!'

Take a pill so you won't be one.

"They used to call them G.P.s."

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

Stay away from Pigs.

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

'Under disclosure rules, I'm required to tell you I own stock in the company whose

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'I have to charge a lot for an office visit. How do you think I pay for MY health insurance?'

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

"Tick, tick, tick..."

'Be careful, Doctor Trefz, she doesn't like men!'

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

(Visual gag) GIVE YOLK Eggs at a give yolk clinic

'Fear not, Madam! I've never lost a case of this kind in this hospital!...

Nil By Ear

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'