Medicine Commentator Pillows

"If you could take just one medication, which medication would it be?"

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

Virtual Doctor

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

"They used to call them G.P.s."

Take a pill so you won't be one.

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

VACCINATION REFUSAL

'Under disclosure rules, I'm required to tell you I own stock in the company whose

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

The Visitor

'And now, this warning from the Surgeon-General... THINK FAST!'

'I have to charge a lot for an office visit. How do you think I pay for MY health insurance?'

If I'm a hypochondriac, what does that make YOU?

Jugular Vein

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

Obesity in America.

"You probably already know this disease from the walkathon of the same name."

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

"Your intestinal flora looks good."

'We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?'

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

'Spin GP'

"A low-level person who doesn't mean anything will see you now."