Health Commentator Pillows

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

Obesity in America.

The Evolution of Man

'I had a stroke.'

"I love the sense of danger that comes with brushing up against childhood obesity."

"Why is it when Jane Austen describes everyday events, it's literary genius, but as soon as I start talking about my gall bladder, your eyes glaze over?"

Take a pill so you won't be one.

"The little thin girl inside you that wants to get out now weighs 200 pounds!"

". . . And this, this is your elbow you got it now?"

See the Amazing Slim Lady...

Virtual Doctor

The End Is Nigh. . . Told You

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"They used to call them G.P.s."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

'We believe it was at THIS point that the species became extinct.'

VACCINATION REFUSAL

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

"Thank you all for coming to this small enclosed space to discuss a deadly and highly communicable disease."

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

Health Foods

'I have to charge a lot for an office visit. How do you think I pay for MY health insurance?'

'Time for your One-a-Year vitamin supplement pill, dear.'