Medical Commentator Pillows

M.D. We don't just tell you to starve a cold these days --- We can prescribe an appetite suppressant for it!

'I have to charge a lot for an office visit. How do you think I pay for MY health insurance?'

The government is fully aware of the urgency of the GP's position...

Medical bills

"Yes, the treatment is very effective, especially for those who can afford it."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Vlad the Inhaler

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

Virtual Doctor

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

Cat Scan

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'