Clinic Critic Pillows

Cut rate clinic: 'Attention! All medical personnel must wash their hands 2/ soP & WATER AFTER EVERY 10TH patient'

Fat Reduction Clinic.

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

Wards / Mortuary

Republican Healthcare

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Have you drugged your child today?

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Surgical Self-Service

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'We don't need helicopter vision, Manfred. We need a helicopter.'

"I don't think this is doing me any good."

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

'Sales are up 12% since we moved Recovery over here to the hospital gift shop.'

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

"Your health insurance doesn't cover what you've got...so I'm diagnosing you with something they do cover."