Care Critic Pillows

'I just pop down to Pediatrics when I need a bit of nursing care.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Surgery up here is free!"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

SF NO

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

Payback Time

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

Social Welfare next!

Republican Healthcare

"We'll always hate Paris."

Have you drugged your child today?

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Surgical Self-Service

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'We don't need helicopter vision, Manfred. We need a helicopter.'