Medical Critique Enthusiast Pillows

'You should consult my Doctor. You'll never live to regret it.'

News Item: Hospital charges vary widely in U.S.

"Stick out your tongue and your wallet."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Master's Degrees of the Universe

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."