Classic Wit Enthusiast Gifts

'You are Wenus, you know'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

The Thinker. The Listener

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

'Time and tide wait for no woman..'

Stephen Fry.

Counsel's Opinion.

Oscar Wilde

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

A lesson in wit

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

Dante Alighieri

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

'I'm still trying to build up a following here, but I'm huge in Lilliput.'

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"Stimulating this area of the brain will enable the patient to think of all the clever things he wished he had said."

"I would have thought you'd be pleased."

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

G.K. Chesterton.

Strike A Balance

Aleksandr Griboyedov

"I hope this isn't the start of an insensitive joke that was once considered funny."

To some people, sarcasm is a second language.

Back Down

Buster Keaton

Jugular Vein

I'll bet with age would come wisdom, if only we would remember a @#%* thing.